Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
