Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
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Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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