i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
