I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
