Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
