I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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