i just had sex bonerless
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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