i think my mom watched the whole time
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
