there was a trapeze. enough said
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
