Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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