I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
