went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
