Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
