There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
