Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I didn't shave. On purpose
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
