too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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