Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
