that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I could make wine with my vomit
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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