:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
