Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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