Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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