She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
did you just send me my own nude
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
