So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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