This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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