you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
