pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
