i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.