did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy