I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea