it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken