It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs