Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
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It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
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Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems