drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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