I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
