When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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