last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
