I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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