If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need a beard to bite.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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