Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
