I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
