the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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