he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
