Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
