Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
