dude i'm inner monologue high
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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