I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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