i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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