I wanna bring you to show and tell
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
