Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
