You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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