you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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