Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
