so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
