And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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