if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
