weddingsv make me drug and hornr
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize