I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
