My friends, they love my intelligence
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
