so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
