Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.