I just pynch a tree in the face
She said her name was "party"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
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Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
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true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?