i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.