when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk