Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.