i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.