No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
