her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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