I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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