party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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