i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am midnight drunk by noon
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
