help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
birth control should be required to get into college
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
