I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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